


Congratulations...I love you

by StormyBear30



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-14
Updated: 2011-06-14
Packaged: 2017-10-20 10:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian finally realizes the love he holds for Michael…but quickly finds that he has waited to long. Read on to find out how much this impacts him life and the life of his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Congratulations...I love you

“Brian are you here” I heard him call out to me as he entered the darkened loft. “Brian…where are you” His voice was smooth as silk as I watched him from the shadows as he fumbled around for some light. “This isn’t funny you know. Brian…” he called out again…finally finding the lamp as he bathed the room in a white and blinding light. “I am supposed to be at my party…you know the same one that you are supposed to be at as well. Holy shit” were his next words as I stood before him dressed in only a huge red bow tied around my midriff and a smile upon my face. “What…what are you doing dressed like that”

“It’s your engagement present Mikey” I replied cockily…an equally cocky grin plastered across my face as every color of red blazed across his face. “So I am giving you the one present that only I could give to you” I spoke truthfully as I move forward…gathering his handsome face within my hands and I kissed him softly upon lips that I have kissed a thousand times before and yet that night it felt completely new and different. I could feel the inner struggle that began to rage deep within him as he attempted to give into the kiss that I was sharing with him…only to pull back with a haunted look upon his face.

“I’m with David” he spoke sadly as he pulled away from me…widening the gap even more as he walked to the other side of the room. “I…I love him. Were…were getting married”

“Right now at this very moment you are not with David” I spoke lustfully for I needed him almost as badly as he had needed me. I know that everyone thinks that I am this horrible person for leading Michael on the way I did back then. Hell…I even know it…but the truth was and still is that I have been in love with him from the first moment I laid eyes on him. I still remember it like it was yesterday…I remember every word…every touch…every kiss…but most important I remember every time we almost made love. Pulling my mind from memories of the past I focused on the beautiful man wrapped tightly within my arms as I bridged the gap between us. “You’re here in the loft with me where you belong. You’re here in my arms where you belong. You’re right where you are supposed to be Mikey…with me for always” I whispered against his ear as I ran my hands along the rounded firmness of his ass…pulling him even tighter against my rapidly over heating body.

Closing my eyes I inhaled the perfect scent of my soon to be lover as I branded it into my mind for all eternity with all the other precious memories of him. I could feel his muscles tremble below my hands as they continued careful exploration over hindering clothing that would soon be removed. “Why…why are you doing this” I heard him question me on a shuddering breath as I once again captured his face between my hands and leaned down and kissed him tenderly. “Why now…”

“Because I love you Michael” I spoke truthfully and I meant it for when it came to him I could never lie…especially about the love that I held for him. “You are my heart…you are my soul…you are my everything” I breathed frantically as the words blasted from my lips before I had the chance to control them. He didn’t speak a word…but his body said it all as he stood before me with a look of pure and raw shock upon his normally serene face.

“Stop it” he said in near whispers…for I nearly had to strain to hear what it was that he was trying to say. “Don’t do this to me again Brian. Please don’t say the words that you know I want to hear…only to take them back once you realize that I am not what you truly want” I could see the tears in his eyes as he gazed up at me with those brown puppy dog eyes that just screamed out how much he wanted my words to be true and they were…extremely true.

“I won’t take them back ever” Was my response as I began to sway our bodies to imaginable music playing softly in my head. “I love you Mikey and I know that you love me and we deserve to be together like this. We deserve to share the love that we hold for each other at least for tonight” Slowly I began to work the tight comic book character covered t-shirt over his head…a smile covered my face as he easily complied with my endeavors. Next I began to work on the fly of his pants as I leaned in and covered honey warm lips under my own. His eyes remained closed as I slowly unzipped the cursed zipper that was separating me from the one thing that I longed to feel within the confines of my hand. With tender motions I cupped his manhood as I began to run my fingers along the length of it. I could hear his breath catch in his throat as I continued with my mission until his body was responding with each touch that I laid upon him. “I want you Michael…I want you to make love to me” I nearly begged as I finally allowed his jeans to pool at his feet before tugging his underwear down as well. Taking his hand I led him towards the one place that I had bedded hundreds…maybe even thousands of men before but none of them every meant a fraction of what he meant to me…of what he will always mean to me.

“Brian wait” he stopped me as he placed his hands upon my hands as I slowly caressed his trembling shoulders before my bed. “I don’t think I can do this” and I could tell that he was truly scared…which caused a growing sadness to dwell within my heart for I knew that the reason he was so scared was because of me and only me. “I just can’t do this” he repeated again as he pulled completely away from me in an attempt to gather his formerly discarded clothing…but I was faster as I grabbed onto his hand and jerked him once again within my arms where he belonged. “Please Brian don’t do this” he begged in half whispers…but they were quickly ignored as I ran the tips of my fingers along the contours of his face before dropping to my knees in reverence before him.

With quick and decisive measures I engulfed his already hardened dick within the heated confines of my mouth…my hands gripping onto perfect ass cheeks as I began to set a motion that soon had him moaning loudly and lustfully. I couldn’t help the smile that ran across my face as he ran his hands through my hair…grabbing onto tousled strands as he urged me to increase my pace. I knew he was mine for the taking as I gladly gave into his insistent tugging…but I wanted more from him because I wanted to hear him scream my name from the top of his lungs. Reaching behind him I grabbed one of the many condoms I kept in a bowl on the nightstand and ripped it open with my teeth. My eyes never left his...as he looked down on me with eyes that radiated such lust with more then a hint of fear mixed in. With fear laced fingers I placed the piece of rubber upon his raging manhood…making sure to have a perfect fit before reaching for the lube needed to complete my task. “Make love to me Mikey” I whispered as I finally pulled myself off of the hard floor and made my way across the vastness of the bed. Lying on my stomach I waited in nervous anticipation for him to come to me and make love to my body unlike any other had done before…but all I got was the cooling breeze of the air conditioner as it blasted across my rear end. “Michael” I questioned as I gazed over my shoulder at the man standing naked and beautiful before me as looked down at me with that same look of lusted fear that I had seen mere moments before hand.

“You…you never allow anyone to fuck you” he stammered apprehensively…still not making a move forward and yet not making another attempt to leave either. “You…you are the one that always does the fucking”

“Not when it comes to you Mikey” I spoke truthfully as I reached out my hand towards him…begging him with my own lust filled eyes to come and take me. “I need you Michael…please” he finally gave up the fight as I practically begged for that man to fuck me into oblivion. He didn’t speak another word as he knelt upon the bed before me…slowly…hesitantly making his way towards my love offering. My body recoiled slightly as the warmth of his hand came in contact with my already quivering thigh…but it was nothing compared to the searing heat of his body as he positioned himself at my entrance.

“I love you Brian” I vaguely heard him speak as he nudged his way forward…quickly halting all movement at the outcry of pain that unintentionally sprung from my lips. I had forgotten how painful it was to have sex with a man like that…and lord knows it had been years since I had allowed anyone to stick his dick deep within me. I tried to speak…tried to express to him just how much I returned that love but I was rendered speechless as he urged his way even deeper. I could taste blood upon my tongue as I bit my tender bottom lip in an attempt to control my pain and yet it only seemed to turn me on even more then I thought was possible. I could tell that Michael was fully into the role of love maker as he gripped onto my hips and began to set a motion that soon had him panting and screaming like a banshee with each thrust. My own dick was painfully hard as with each insertion of his manhood it rubbed painfully along the silkiness of the sheets…edging me closer and closer to explosion. His moans were loud and plentiful as his impending orgasm moved forward and once again I couldn’t help but smile for I knew that right there at that very moment it was me and not anyone else that was bringing him the utmost in pleasure. “So close Brian” he cried out as he dug his fingertips into the tender flesh of my hips…increasing the pace of our love making velocity so much so that I think for the moment I lost all conscious thought as I lost my load all over the expensive sheets that I loved so much. Moments later I felt his body convulse roughly as he gave into his orgasm…quickly filling the textured lambskin coating his precious penis.

“You ok” I questioned his winded frame as it fell upon the bed beside me. With quick measures I slipped onto my side as I engulfed his shorter frame into my arms…pulling life sustaining air into my over inflated lungs.

“Um…I’m fine” he responded a bit too sadly as I looked down and found those beautiful puppy dog eyes gazing up at me littered with tears. I could literally feel my heart break in half for he didn’t have to speak a word for me to know what was to happen next.

“Your still going through with it aren’t you” I questioned…my heart sinking deeper into the pits of my chest. I watched as tears of pain slide down the sides of his face as he closed his eyelids…shutting out the haunted look of upset and pain just for that particular moment.

“Yes…” was his simple reply as he once again opened those soulful eyes of his as I tumbled into them…wishing like hell that I could literally drown in there darkness. For what felt like forever we just laid there…tears streaming down his handsome face as I held him…to stunned to do much of anything else. “I have to marry him Brian…he’s what I need”

“I thought I was what you needed” I finally blurted out as I jerked myself away from the heat of his body…moving as far across the bed as was possible.

“I did need you” he spoke sadly as he crept his was across the bed…quickly engulfing me within his arms from behind as he laid his head upon my trembling shoulders. “I do need you…but I need him more” I was a mess of screwed up emotions as feather soft eye lashes scraped across my shoulder blade…sending a shiver down my spine as I tried to pull away from the heat of his body…but he was having none of it as he increased the pressure of his hold on me. Tears threatened to consume me…but I wouldn’t allow it as I forced them away for I was Brian Fucking Kenney and no man…not even the one that I loved with my entire being was going to see me cry. “I love you Brian…you know that” his words continued…laidened with such sadness that it began to shatter my already breaking heart into millions of tiny pieces. “I’ve always loved you…I will always love you…but we both know that there can be nothing more between the two of us then what we have right now”

“Why…” I questioned accusingly…as I finally gathered the strength to pull myself away from him and out of his grasp. “Why can’t we be more…can’t we have more. I…I love you Michael” I spoke in uneven tones as I walked to the other end of the room…falling to the floor as I leaned against the wall for support. “I’ve always loved you I just never had the balls to tell you…to make you understand just how much” he rushed to my side once again and gathered me into his strong arms that had held me on more then on occasion throughout my fucked up lifetime.

“I know you do” he confirmed as he pulled me just the bit closer to his body. “You never had to say it Brian because I always knew” his soft words reverberated against my ear as I buried my head within the confines of his neck.

“Then why…”

“Because ever since we met it has always been Brian and Mikey. I’ve always been in your shadow Brian and as much as I loved being your shadow when we were younger…it just isn’t enough anymore. I never got the chance to be me…never got the chance to grow up because I always knew that if I screwed up bad enough that you would be there to fix it for me. I love you Brian…you are all I ever wanted for so long…but if we were to make a go of this nothing would change for me and everything would change for you”

“I can change…I want to change Michael” I cut in as I pulled my face away from the sanctuary of his warmness so he could read the truths I hoped were radiating from my eyes. “I would do anything to ensure that you were happy…that you would stay here with me” I knew I was sounding selfish…but I didn’t care for I couldn’t fathom living life without my pillar of strength…even if he never knew that he was.

“You say that now and I know that you would try at the beginning…but you wouldn’t be happy” he spoke truthfully and as much as the truth hurt like a bitch…I knew that he was right. I knew that as much as I loved him I was truly not ready to give up the life that I had been living for so long that it was second nature to me. “You would become miserable and grow to hate me and I can’t have you hate me Brian because it would kill me. Your not ready to settle down yet…but I hope that you will be one day and that you find that special someone that will enrich your life the way that David has mine”

“Who needs that” I scoffed…putting on the famous Brian Kenney façade that everyone…even Mikey knew so well. “I don’t need enrichment…but I will always be there for you Mikey…that will never change” I continued on with my charade…despite the fact that my heart was breaking into even smaller pieces of pain.

“I know and I will always be there for you too” he whispered as we continued to stand together forehead to forehead as we gazed deep into each other’s eyes. “You will always be the one Brian. The one that I have shared all my first’s with. You were my first kiss…my first sexual experience…despite the fact that I never got the chance to cum” he laughed happily as we continued to walk down memory lane. “You were the first one I told when I lost my virginity…and the one that took me to the doctor when I found our that I had gonorrhea…remember that”

“Yeah…I remember” I smiled down at him as I once again got sucked into doe eyed depths of brown. “You cried like a baby the entire time”

“Yeah…but you held my hand and you didn’t let go until I was safely back home. You even stayed with me that night and held me because you knew that I was scared shitless that it was never going to go away”

“You needed me” I spoke absent mindedly still gazing in shimmering eyes of beauty. “I would do anything for you Michael…anything”

“Then let me go” he whispered…tears trickling down his rounded cheeks. “I need to know that you are ok with me doing this. I can’t start my life with David until I know that you will still love me no matter what. I need to know that the once strong and unyielding friendship of Brian and Mikey will remain so…even after I begin a new chapter in my life. Please Brain…I need to know”

I wanted to scream…wanted to kick and scream and throw the worst temper tantrum known to man as I forbad him to move on with his life. I wanted to make him stay my sidekick for always…wanted life to go back to the way that it had been where he lived forever in my shadow…but as one of his tears dripped from his face and landed upon my over parched lips I knew that I could no more ask him to stay then I could to stop breathing. “Your free Mikey” was my wavering reply as I reached up and wiped the tears from his face. “I want you to be happy with David because I know that he can make you truly happy. Go start your new life and never for one second do I want you to think that you don’t deserve to be happy…because if anyone deserves to be happy in this lifetime then it is you” Gently I placed my lips across his moistened ones as if to prove to him just how true my words were…despite the fact that I was fighting the urge to choke on each and everyone of them.

“What about you Brian” his words vibrated against my lips as they lingered above his softness. “You deserve to be happy too”

“I’m Brian Kenney…I’m always happy” I scoffed as I kissed him one final time before pulling myself away from him as I walked back over to the bed and laid down. “So leave now” I spoke a bit more abruptly then I intended…immediately regretting it at the way his body flinched at its harshness. “I mean…I think that it is time for you to leave. I bet Dr. Dave is wondering where the hell his soon to be husband is at”

“He…he knows that I am here Brian” he spoke sadly as he too pulled himself from off the floor and made his way over to the bed. “After you called he took me aside and told me to go to you…that he wanted tonight to be all about the two of us because he didn’t want us to start our new life with any regrets on my part”

“The two of us…” I repeated astonished at his words.

“He knows that I love you Brian. He’s known from the first moment that he met you” he replied truthfully as he laid down on the bed beside me. He was so close that I could feel the heat of his body as it blasted against my own…but far enough away that I felt we could never bridge the gap between us again. “He wanted me to come to you…wanted me to make a go with you for tonight to make sure that being with him is what I truly want”

“So go…who’s stopping you” I tried to sound indifferent…but he knew better as he gently cupped my cheek within the palm of his hand.

“You are…you are what’s stopping me Brian because I need to know that you approve of my union with David. I need you to grant me permission to move on and know that despite everything I will always love you and be grateful that you are in my life. I just need to hear you say it”

And so I did. I gave him what he needed most even though it was slowly killing my very soul. Tears of happiness and pain rained down his face as he lunged forward and gathered me into the safeness of his arms. Closing my eyes I inhaled the very scent of the man that would forever hold my heart for I knew that after that night I would no longer be able to hold him…to touch him in the ways that I was accustomed to. The smell of him was manly and strong as I continued to inhale his very essence…trying to control the emotions that I felt were draining the very breath from my dying body. “Make love to me Brian” I heard him ask me as he laid upon his back before reaching over to grab another condom from off the nightstand. He looked so beautiful that night as he gazed up at me with eyes so full of love and happiness that is caused my ever-breaking heart to begin to heal…just a little. Taking the condom from his hand I laid it on the bed beside us as I leaned in and captured baby soft lips under my own. The kiss was tender and sweet and what I knew I would remember most about that night. Tracing the contours of his lips…he quickly granted me entrance as I quickly began to explore the heated depths of his mouth with my tongue. Back and fourth we dueled with our mouths until the pressure was too much for either of us to sustain…forcing us to break apart as we pulled in life giving air into air starved lungs. “Please Brian…I need you”

Taking the condom from beside him I quickly wrapped my pulsing pecker with its contents as I slid my hands along the muscular calves of Mikey’s legs in preparation for my invasion. Placing them over my shoulders I planted my dick at his entrance…never once breaking eye contact with the only man that I would ever love in my fucked up lifetime. His eyes spoke volumes as to how much he had wanted that night to happen. They told me everything that I needed to know…even things that I didn’t…but as I slide ever so slowly into his tightened depths I was thankful for every little thing they screamed out to me. He loved me with all his heart and soul…but he hated me for taking to long to realize just how much I meant to him. I saw the pain of the past and the hope of a wondrous future with David in those eyes and although it saddened be beyond belief…deep within my hear I knew that Mikey was doing the right thing by following that future.

“I love you Brian” he cried out as I increased the swiftness of our lovemaking as I brought the two of us closer to the place that we wanted to be. Leaning forward I began to trace my tongue along the rugged contours of his manly chest as I lead my way towards lips that I would never tire of kissing. He allowed me eager access as I in near vicious actions captured his lips within my own…claiming them and him as mine…at least for a little while. The extent of my sexual urges grew by leaps and bounds as he moaned wantonly into my receptive mouth…wrapping his legs tightly around my neck…urging me forward…urging me onward. Sweat glistened from every pore as I increased the fluid like movements of my body to accommodate his…as well as my own needs until I was blazing blur fucking machine. “Fuck Yes” he cried out as he grabbed onto his raging dick as it bounced crazily between his legs with each frenzied thrust. Feeling left out…I slowed down the actions between his cheeks as I placed my hands atop the ones enclosed around his penis and began to set a motion that soon had him crying out in utter ecstasy. Eyes locked…mouth set in a tight…yet pleasure filled grimace together we brought him to an over powering orgasm that had him slickened with sweat and sheer exhaustion…but I was far from through with him…not by a long shot.

“I…Love…You…Mikey” I cried out in high-pitched tones with each thrust deep within his beautiful ass. “Always…Have…Always…Will” my cries continued until I was falling across his compact body after my own pleasureful orgasm. Together we laid a tangle of arm…legs and heaving bodies as we enjoyed the lasting effect of our sex play for we knew that soon it was going to be over for all eternity. “I really do love you Michael” I spoke softly as I traced the outline of his face with the softest of touches from my fingertips. “But I want you to be happy and I know that the Doc can do that for you and I will always be here for you whenever you need me…I promise” I vowed truthfully as I finally allowed the Brian…asshole…Kinney face to fall away briefly because I wanted him to know once and for all just how much he meant to me…just how much he would always mean to me.

“Thank you” he whispered as he leaned up and kissed me softly. Sliding off of his body…I quickly changed positions as I pulled him tauntly against my own body…burrowing my face within the heated crevice of his neck…inhaling the scent that was only he. I tried to stay awake…tried to fight the cursed exhaustion that was trying to pull me away from the slumbering man I continued to hold in my arms. However…it was a fight that I quickly lost as night slipped into morning and when I woke he was gone.

I didn’t go to the commitment ceremony and although everyone cursed and hated me for not being there to support my best friend…I knew that Michael understood. I couldn’t go…couldn’t watch as the man that was my very reason for breathing commit his life to another. I knew that if I would have went that I would have lived up to the name of Brian Kinney and caused a scene…made the people that already hated me hate me even more…including Michael.

Life after that became a huge blur of one trick after another. For several months after Michael and the Doc moved to Oregon I would spend just about every non-working…non-waking moment at Babylon searching for one trick and then another. Ted and Emmett fell madly in love with each other and stopped hitting the club scene altogether. Little by little I lost touch with them and anyone else that I knew because of Mikey. I just couldn’t stand to be around the two couples that were such a part of my life with Michael and to watch them in love and happy just tore at my heart each time that I laid my eyes upon them. The only person that I didn’t cut entirely out of my life was Deb. How could I since she was the only link to the man that I missed more then I was ever willing to admit to anyone…even myself most times. On an almost weekly basis I would find some sort of excuse to enter the diner. I knew that she knew that my excuses were thin veiled attempts to get any crumb of information about Michael and his new life and despite the hot and cold relationship the two of us always had in the past…she never once called me on it.

“Brian” she cried out on a particular day as I entered the diner…shaking the rain off as I made my way towards a stool at the counter. “Something came for you” she continued to chirp loudly as she waved a letter high above her head. I tried to be nonchalant about it…tired to act like I wasn’t dying to rip it open and read the contents…but she knew better once again as she tossed it to me before I even had a chance to reach my destination. Gracing her with a small smile I practically raced for the nearest empty booth as I held the envelope loosely within my shaking hands. My heart was racing so fast that I felt that everyone in the room could hear it as I slowly tore the paper open…careful not to destroy its contents.

“Hey…” I heard a male voice speak out from across the table. “What say you and me get out of here for a bit” the voice continued to drawl on as I looked up at some random man sitting before me with a look of lust so readable in his eyes.

“Fuck off” I growled…once again palming the letter for I didn’t want to share it with anyone but myself.

“Come on baby…I have heard plenty of great things about the great Brian Kinney and I wanted to see if any of it was true”

“I said get the fuck out of here” I screamed in a maddened rant as I grabbed the man by his neck and shoved him onto the floor besides the booth.

“You fucking psycho” the man spat as he pulled himself off of the floor before stalking out the door.

Taking a deep breath I once again began the task of opening the envelope every so slowly until the letter was peeking out at me. With trembling fingers I removed the slips of paper as I opened them and glanced upon the sloppy penmanship of Michael’s. My formerly palpating heart stopped in my chest as I flattened the pages against the table and began to read each and ever word.

Dear Brian…  
I know that it has been over a year since I left you that night…but I want you to know that you have been in my thoughts each and everyday. I know that you probably don’t believe this but I miss you Brian. I miss my best friend…I miss the fun we used to have together…but don’t be sad for me because I am extremely happy in my life with David. We just celebrated our one-year anniversary and David took me to Italy for the summer. It was magical Brian…it was everything that I thought it would be and more. I didn’t think that it was possible to be this happy…but it is and I thank god every day that he brought David into my life. But…at the same time I curse him because of the way that he directed the lives of the two of us in the way that he did. Don’t get your panties all up in a bundle because I have not turned into a religious freak…I just want you to know that I love you Brian and I hate the fact that we haven’t spoken to each other since that glorious night in the loft…but I understand why you have not returned any of my phone calls.

Something glorious has happened to David and I and I wanted to share it with you…with everyone. We became parents of a healthy baby girl as of yesterday afternoon. It was months in the making…with lots of frustration and upset…but in the end it was worth it all when they handed the cute little bundle over to the two of us. I don’t think that I have ever been so in love with anyone more in my life then I am with little Lily Marie. She is absolutely the most beautiful creature in the world…even more beautiful then you are Brian…ha ha!!! Enclosed is a picture of our new family. I don’t think that I have ever been prouder in my life then I am at this very moment as I look upon the sleeping form of my daughter as she lies on the bed beside me. I wish you could be here Brian…wish that you could hold her in your arms because I know that you would love her as much as I do.

I hope that this letter finds you well and happy. Emmett tells me that you are not hanging out with anyone anymore and despite the fact that this is not surprising to me…it worries me more then you can know. Mom tells me that you come to the diner once a week and I take some comfort in her words that you are in fact doing ok. Please Brain I am begging you to rekindle the friendships that we once held so dear with Emmett and Ted and even Lindsey and Mel because despite the fact that you like to think you are invincible…we both know otherwise.

I still love you with all my heart and soul Brain and I miss you more then you can ever comprehend. Please take care of yourself and know that despite the miles that separate us…you will always be part of my family. I love you…Michael

P.S. Enclosed is a picture of Lily and the rest of us.

Shaking the envelope I watched at two pictures fluttered to the table below. With trembling fingers I picked up one of them…holding it in my hand as I look down at the most adorable little baby girl I had ever seen in my life. Ebony dark hair littered her tiny head…dark orbs peered out through slanted eyes of beauty and already in her young life I could make out her wisdom. She was exactly the child that I would have excepted Mikey to have and as much as I tried to control the tears of happy…sadness that were gathering behind my closed eyes…one little fucker managed to escape down my cheek. “Brian…you ok” I heard the concerned voice of his mother speak as she sat down besides me.

“He looks really happy doesn’t he” I spoke…ignoring her concern as I picked up the second picture…fingering the smiling figure of my love as he sat on a stool surrounded by his loving family.

“Yeah…he does” she replied softly as she wrapped her arm around my neck in an attempt to pull me into an embrace.

“I…I need to go” I blurted out as I jerked my body forward almost toppling her to the floor like I had with the other guy before. “I’m sorry Deb…I just have to go” I spoke quickly as I helped to steady her self before placing a quick kiss upon her cheek as I raced out the door.

 

Hours later there was a knock at my door as I sat on my couch trying like hell to ignore it. “Brian…we know you in there so let us in because we are not leaving until you do” I heard the obvious voice of Ted call out through the thickness of the door.

“Go the fuck away” I yelled out as I stretched out still clutching the picture of Michael and his new family tightly within my hand.

“Brian Kinney you let us in here right now or we will breaking this fucking door down” I heard the clearly irritated voice of Lindsey scream madly as what I assumed to be her began to beat crazily upon the door.

“Fine…Jesus Christ” I screamed as I stormed over to the door…ripping it open as four former friends tumbled forward sprawling across the threshold of the door before me. “Well hell opening the door was worth it just to see that” I chuckled evilly as I turned my back towards them and made my way back towards the couch. “What the fuck do you all want” I questioned madly as I shot a nasty look at them over my shoulder before plopping back down onto the couch.

“Deb was concerned about you…and wanted us to check up on you and as expected it looks like it was a colossal waste of time” Mel ranted as she stormed over to where I lay lounging…trying like hell to keep my normal nasty façade in tact…but finding it increasingly harder and harder.

“Well you can see that I am fine…so go the fuck away” I yelled as I continued to ignore them all as I focused all my attention on the small picture.

“Not happening sweety” Emmett spoke softly as he plopped his thin frame across my out stretched legs…taking the picture from my hand as he passed it to Ted. “You have pushed us away for the last time Brian Kinney. We are your friends till the end…despite the fact that you want us to believe that you hate us”

“I don’t need your pity” I growled under my breath as I jerked my legs from under his rear end…stalking to the other side of the room in search of a much needed cigarette.

“No what you need is to be smacked upside the head” Mel screeched from where she stood by the door…hands on hips with a look of pure hatred sprawled across her face.

“Mel…please” Lindsey begged as she walked over to where I was standing. “Brian…we miss you and we know thought that with everything that has happened you might need some support from your friends and your family”

“I’m Brian Kinney…I don’t need anyone” I replied more smugly then I felt as I tried to make my way past her…but she was having none of it as she pulled me into her soft and loving arms.

“I don’t care what you say” she whispered in my ear so that no one else could hear her. “I know the real you Brian…I always have and I know how much Michael’s news is affecting you” I tried to break free from her grasp…but before I had a chance to make another move I felt another pair of arms drape around my waist…followed by another and then another and shockingly another as Mel rounded out the ensemble. “We love you Brian…and no matter what we are family and family takes care of each other” she spoke a bit louder as the warmth surrounding my formerly frozen body began to grow. I wanted to fight them…wanted to push them away and pretend that everything was fine and dandy…but the truth of the matter was that I had no more fight left in me. Everything that Lindsey said was true…that Michael’s news of eternal happiness was the straw that had finally broke the camels back so to speak. It was on the very day at that very moment as the people who meant most in my life continued to hold me that I lost what was left of my famous Brian Kinney composer in the form of unabashed tears.

Actually my life after that night took a strange and yet wondrous turn for the better. I made a huge transformation in myself…for myself and despite the fact that I thought that I could never be happy…I actually found that I was. I gave up the nightlife…all of it. I stopped fucking the numerous tricks that constantly fell at my feet. A year and a half after Michael left I actually found myself a boyfriend and although it was rough going at the beginning eventually everything worked out for a while at least. Ben was everything that I needed at that time. He was handsome as hell with a smile and a body that just screamed out for me to touch them…kiss them each and every time that I looked at him. He was stubborn and strong…so much like myself and yet so different. He branded me as his from our first date and my life became like somewhat of a whirlwind from there. Ben and I dated for nearly two years before our life together came to a stand still. Till this day I still don’t know what happened. Still don’t know how the steam of a once strong and loving relationship died in an instant…but it did and after much yelling…screaming and tears we came to the mutual decision to put a stop to the madness. I was devastated that the only other relationship that had meant of any importance to me had ended worse then the first one…but with the help of my friends I got through it and became strong once again…just in time to be there for Michael when his happy life fell apart a year later.

It had been nearly five years before I laid my eyes on Michael again. The circumstances were not the way that I would have wanted our reunion to come about…but it was what fate had offered to us and so I took it without question. That day had started out as any other as I met Teddy and Emmett at the diner for some greasy food and lighthearted conversation. However…the mood was anything but lighthearted as I entered the diner and found Deb sobbing in Emmett’s arms as Ted looked up at me with tearful and somber eyes. “No…” I whispered fearfully as I stopped dead in my tracks as he made his way over to me…placing his hand upon my shoulder as he fought back obvious tears. My heart was pounding so loudly within my ears that I could not make out a word that he said as I fought like hell to control the urge to fall and his feet and slowly lose my sanity. His mouth was moving…his tears were falling and yet I still heard not a word as I sunk into a nearby seat shaking my head in a final attempt to pull my self together for the impending news of doom about my love.

“Did you hear what I said Brian…David is dead”

I wanted to jump for joy…wanted to throw my arms up into the air and scream holy hell hallelujah to whatever higher power had spared my soul mates life…but as I looked around the room at the tearful faces I know that right then was far from the time or place for such things. I allowed Ted to pull me into his arms as he began to sob over the loss of a man that he barely knew…but as his sobbing increased mine began as the true extent of the situation hit me because I knew that Mikey…who was living clear across country was slowly falling apart and he needed me more then he had ever needed me before. “I need to go to him” I cried out as I fought my way out of Ted’s stranglehold as I headed for the door…because even after all those years of being apart and not speaking to each other I knew that I was the only one that he needed. I could feel it in my bones and right by his side was where I needed to be.

“Brian…wait” I heard the all too familiar voice of his mother cry out behind me. Fighting the urge to keep on running…it took all my strength to turn and face her. My heart bled for her as I pulled her into my arms and allowed her to grieve over the death of her son in law. “Bring him home to me…to us” she whispered in my ear before placing a chaste kiss upon my cheek. “Vic needs me or I would go myself. Just bring my baby back home where he belongs”

“I will” I promised as I leaned in and kissed her tenderly upon her cheek before turning back practically racing out the door. I didn’t even go home to pack as I sped down the streets of Liberty Avenue in desperate need to get to Michael. Frustration became my best friend once I reached my destination because none of the airlines had any flights that were headed to Oregon before the following day. I argued…I cursed and I nearly got escorted out of the place before I gave up the un-winable fight and purchased my ticket. Tears once again bled from my eyes as I drove home for I knew that he needed me…but what bothered me even more then that was that despite the fact that it was he that was dealing with all the heartache and pain…I felt as if I needed him more.

“Hello” I heard the tired voice of Michael speak across the phone line as I sat within the middle of my bed once I made my way home. “Hello…” I heard him speak again as I tried to figure out what in the hell I was going to say to the man that I had literally not spoken to in nearly two years. “Brian…is that you” Instantly my eyes closed as he spoke my name in a soft and broken whisper. “Brian…I need you”

“I’m coming for you Mikey” I spoke truthfully as I finally got my wits about me. “I’m coming to Oregon to help you with anything that you need to do before I take you back home where you belong”

Long moments of silence stood between us as I awaited his response and with each second that passed my heart would die a little more. I was expecting a huge fight…some gigantic confrontation about how he had found where he was supposed to be and would not give that up for anyone…especially me…but it never came. “Ok…” was his heart broken response as he began to sob lightly in my ear. “I want to come home Brian…please take me home” We talked into the late hours of the morning as I packed my suitcase. We talked about our lives…we talked about the past…but most importantly we talked about how much we missed each other all those years that we were apart. He told me about the way that David died and how he didn’t think that his heart would ever heal again and those words alone caused my own heart to shatter into tiny fragments of pain once again. “He was killed in such a stupid way” he wept into the phone as he went on with his obviously painful story. “He went to the corner store to get some milk for our cereal the next day and he…he never came home” his crying continued to get worse as he continued with his story. “There…there was a hold up and the gun went off and…and…” and then the line went silent except for the sounds of his tormented pain.

“I love you Mikey and I will take care of you” I made a solemn promise as I wiped at my own cascading tears. “I will take care of you and your family. I will be there for you for a long as you need me…I promise”

“I…I have to get off of here and get the baby ready” he replied…ignoring said oath causing my heart to break a bit more then I thought was possible. “We have so many people coming to the house today and so many thing that still need to be done. I just don’t know how I am going to get through it all before the funeral” he continued to gush…still ignoring my heartfelt words. Pushing all thoughts of my own pain aside I assured him that I would be there as soon as I could and hung up the phone.

The plane ride was long and tiring as I dragged my sleep deprived ass down the crowded airport corridor. Purchasing my rental car I ran as fast as I could towards the lot and my intended car. My mind was a jumbled mess of upset as I merged onto the interstate a mere hour away from the man that would forever hold my heart. The interstate was bumper to bumper as the car I was driving literally crawled a few feet every few minutes. Minute by minute ticked by as it turned into one…then two hours and with each slam of the break my temper would rage even more. I just wanted to get to Michael…just wanted to pull him into my arms and ease some of his pain…and even some of mine. However once again the fates had something else in store for me as pulled my attention off of the road for the slightest of seconds…only to be jerked back into reality as I slammed into the car in front of me.

‘Fuck…” I cried out in complete and utter frustration as I pulled the car as far off into the shoulder of the road as I could before pulling my stiff and sore frame from out of the car.

“Just fucking great” I heard a kid no older then eighteen or nineteen rant as he ran to the back of the car in order to see the damage I had impacted. “My father is going to kill me” his rant continued as he kicked madly at the dirt at his feet. “Like he needs this shit right now” I tried to speak…tried to make contact with the clearly upset kid before me muttering under his breath like a crazed person. “Look…do you have insurance” he barked at me as if finally realizing that I was there.

“It’s a rental car…but yes I have insurance on it” I replied as I reached into the glove box and pulled out the needed paperwork.

“Look…I can’t wait for the state troopers to get here. Let’s just exchange information and leave” he spoke in highly irritated tones as he ran back towards the front of his car…returning quickly with his own information. “This is my fathers car and I needed to get it back to him like two hours ago” he raged on as he jotted down the needed info before shoving it into my hands and racing back to the car. I watched as he jerked the car clumsily back into traffic…nearly getting into another accident before I climbed into my own car and drove off. An hour later I finally found the house that belong to David and Michael as I pulled into the long driveway…parking directly in front of the house. The house was huge…the land vast as I took my first shaky steps towards the front door. Pulling as much of the clean Oregon air into my lungs as I could…I attempted to calm my frazzled and overly beating heart…only to have it stop dead as the front door opened and instead of finding the love of my life…I found the same kid I had ran into on the highway instead.

“What the fuck are you doing here” he cried out in shock as he bound his way down the steps…stopping before my equally startled frame. “Look…I can’t deal with you right now. The information that I gave you was correct and I can only assume that what you gave me is correct as well…but this is not the time or the place for this” I tried to speak…tried to explain to this kid just who the hell I was…but he was having none of it. “I said get the fuck out of here before I really do call the cops” I still could not speak as he took a lunge for me…but I was quicker as I dodged sideways…staring at him like he had lost his mind. “Get the fuck out of here you asshole before…”

“Hank Patrick Cameron …” I heard a voice echo around us as the two of us turned to face its owner…causing us both to stop dead in our tracks. “Brian…Omg…Brian” Michael exclaimed as I watched him jump off of the porch…forgoing the stairs and before I could get a clear look at him he was in my arms. “I didn’t think that you were ever going to get here” he spoke softly as he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me even tighter against his body. Closing my eyes I allowed the heat…the scent…the feel of his body to soak into mine for it had been too long since I had felt all those things and at that point in time I realized just how much I missed it…missed him.

“I’ll always be here for you when you need me Mikey” I whispered as I took yet another cleansing breath into my lungs as I tried to control my spiraling emotions. “God Michael…I’ve missed you” I spoke shakingly as I leaned my forehead against his own…eyes closed as we shared a long awaited Brian and Mikey moment.

“I’ve missed you too Brian…so much” he sighed as tears filled his beautiful brown eyes. “I…I…really…” his words stooped short…his eyes grew wide as I leaned down and attempted to cover his lips with my own…only to have them graze his cheek as he quickly turned his head. Embarrassment and upset filled me as he pulled completely away from me as he turned his attention fully to the kid standing behind us. “Um…Brian this is my son Hank” he spoke quickly as he took the glaring boys hand into his own and tugged him forward. “Hank…this is my best friend in the whole world…Brian”

 

“Yeah…we’ve met” he spoke smugly…stepping forward until he was standing between the two of us. I could see the hatred and rage in his eyes as he shot daggers of spite and daring my way and despite the fact that it irritated me beyond belief the way he was accusing me of something in his eyes…at the same time it made me happy to know that Michael was loved and protected in that way.

“Met…how” Michael questioned as he looked between the two of us waiting for an answer.

“I sort of ran into him on the interstate on my way here” I rushed out…a full blush raging across my face.

“An accident…you got into another accident” Michael spoke loudly as he turned his back towards me…placing his full attention onto his son. “Jesus Hank…your father is going to kill you and then me for…” and then his words were gone…his shoulders slumped at the realization of his words. “Um…I…I…I’m sorry Hank” My heart bled as the two fell into each others arms as they held each others crying forms. “I keep forgetting he’s gone” he sobbed against the younger mans shoulder as they shared a wondrous father and son moment of togetherness. Guilt filled me because I felt as if I was intruding…felt as if I should have just hopped back into my rental and drove away. However…despite what my brain was saying…my heart had other ideas as I kept my feet firmly planted on the ground below me.

“It’s ok pop” Hank soothed through his own tears as he continued to cling to Michael like a lost puppy dog. “It’s hard for all of us but that is what we have each other for”

“I love you Hank” Michael spoke softly as he pulled his son deeper into his embrace.

“I love you too dad” he countered as they slowly released each other before kissing each other upon the lips.

“Brian…um…lets get you settled” he whispered as he turned to me as if he had forgotten I was there.

“What…he’s staying here” Hank gushed out astonished as he pulled out of the grasp of his father. “He can’t stay here…not in our home”

“Hank stop it” Michael scolded as he took his hand into his own once again. “What the hell is wrong with you. Brian flew all the way from Pittsburgh to help me…help us with the arrangements. He’s my best friend in the whole world and I need him here” he continued to speak and it set my heart just soaring to hear those words because I wanted to be there for Michael and I was glad that he felt that I still could.

“I don’t trust him. Dad isn’t even in the ground yet and you bring him here” he screamed in accusing tones as he once again yanked his hand from Michael’s standing before the two of us with tears streaming down his face. “I hate you Michael…I fucking hate you” We both watched stunned as the younger man ran off into the direction of the woods…leaving us both speechless and Michael in near hysterics.

“He…he called me Michael” he said tearfully as he continued to watch the boy disappear. “He hasn’t called me Michael in almost four years”

I could hear the heartbreak in his voice…could see the tears as they blazed down his face as the feeling that I did not belong there once again over took me. “Maybe Hanks right” I spoke tiredly as I placed my hand upon his shoulder as he turned to face me. “I shouldn’t be here. It was no big secret that David hated me and apparently so does his son and…”

“Brian…please don’t do this to me now. I need you more then I have ever needed you in my life. I lost my partner…lost the man that I loved with all my heart and soul and I feel so alone. I need you here with me because I don’t think that I can get through this without you” his sobs finally over came him as he lunged back into my arms. As if on instinct my arms folded around his shuddering frame as I held him…my own tears trickling down my face. Anger quickly replaced my upset as I glanced over Michael’s shoulder and found Hank sitting up in a tree with a look so evil upon his face that if I had not been the nearly unshakeable Brian Kinney…I would have ran away screaming like a little sissy girl.

“Why don’t you show me where I will be staying” Together we walked into the solemn house…speaking not a work as we were each deep in our own thoughts of the upcoming days and the impact that it was going to have on our lives.

“Mr. Michael” I heard a very flamboyant Emmett wannabe speak in a singsong voice as he trotted towards us as we stood in the massive hallway of his home. “Princess is awake and wanting to see her daddy” he giggled as he stopped before us.

“Hey sweety” Michael cooed as he reached down and plucked a beautiful young child from off the floor where she clung to what I assumed to be the nanny’s leg. “How’s daddy’s little princess” he sang as he hugged her to his chest before placing soft kisses upon her cherub face. Her laughter was like music as he continued to fawn over his daughter and for a brief moment the jealously returned because it was that raven haired beauty that had received the attention I so desperately craved from the man that I still loved like no other. “Brian…” he spoke happily…cutting short my jealous streak short. “This is my daughter Lily. Lily…this is Brian. Can you say hello to Brian”

“Hello Brian” she giggled as she reached out to touch my face. “Pretty man…daddy” her laughter continued as her hand laid upon my own reddened cheek.

“Jesus…some things never change” Michael snickered as he handed the bundle over to me. “Here hold her while I go and find Hank”

“What can I say…even after all these years I still have it” I chuckled as I gazed at the tiny beauty in my arms. “Hi Lily…it’s very nice to meet you” I found myself speaking in baby talk…but I didn’t care for even though I had just met the child I was already falling head over heels in love with her.

The next few days were a whirlwind of activity for the two of us as we planned the elaborate funeral to perfection. Hank avoided us like the plague and despite the fact that I knew it was silently killing him…as usual Michael put up the brave façade of strongness he was so well known for during tough times. The morning before the funeral I had had enough of the dirty looks…the snide remarks and the fact that I was not the only one receiving such treatment. “Get your fucking coat” I yelled in irritation after I had forced Michael to go and take a nap after putting Lily down for hers.

“Go fuck yourself” he screamed back as he tried to push his way past me…but I was quicker and more then a little fed up as I grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall. I wasn’t trying to hurt him…I really just wanted to scare him and I could see that I got my point across at the look of pure terror that crossed his young face.

“I said go and get your coat and meet my outside in five minutes” I growled…trying to maintain control of my anger because I did not want to wake Michael or Lily. I had lots of things to say and knowing the way that I was back then…hell still am now…I knew that the decibels were going to rise before I was finished saying what I wanted to say to him. He didn’t disappoint when he showed up on the porch less then five minutes later with his coat wrapped snuggly around his body. I had to suppress a laugh at the way he clutched it to his body as if in some sort of protection. “Follow me” I said nonchalantly as I pulled a pack of cigarettes from my pocket…quickly lighting one up. He didn’t say a word as he followed behind me still clutching his coat tightly around him. I didn’t know where I was going as I walked out towards the same woods that he had hidden in when I first arrived…but I needed to clear my head…needed to compose my thoughts before I lit into the little punks ass for hurting Michael the way that he was.

“What the fuck do you want” he shrieked…halting the two of us as I turned to face him.

“I want you to stop acting like a little asshole and start treating your father with the love and respect that he deserves” I bit out…taking another claming drag from my nerve builder. Michael does not deserve the shit that you have been handing him since I got here”

“What the fuck do you know” he huffed…trying to act like a strong man but I could see the fear in his eyes. I loved the fact that he was afraid of me because it meant that I could have with little or no effort forced him to behave like the proper son that Michael needed…but as I looked closer I found not only fear but also something completely different.

“I know that your father’s heart is breaking in half because the son that he loves most in the world is treating him like some common piece of street trash. I know that you both lost someone very special in your life and instead of finding comfort in each other you have created this huge divide the size of the Grand Canyon. I know…”

“He doesn’t need me anymore” he cut me off…quickly clamping his mouth shut as he tried to control his tears. “He…he has you and he will forget all about me once you take him away from here” he choked out…wiping at those same tears that he has been trying to hold at bay as they trickled down his face.

“Holy shit” I whispered to myself at the realization of what the true problem was. “Are you fucking kidding me” I yelled…startling him as he nearly jumped out of his skin. “Michael needs you more right now then he has ever needed anyone in his life. You are his son for Christ sakes” I continued to rant…my heart actually bleeding for the kid that had been nothing but a pain in my ass from the first moment that I had meet him. “It’s fucking killing him the way that you been distancing yourself from him in these last few days. He loves you for fuck sake”

“Oh yeah…well if she loved me so much he would not be traipsing back to Pittsburgh leaving me here all alone” he screamed out madly…tears freely flowing down his face. I knew right then and there that his anger was not fully directed at me…but at the fact that he felt as if Michael was leaving him behind. He had lost so much…first his biological father and then the man that he called father in the name of love was going to be leaving him as well is a short few days. “You’re taking him away from the people who love him…his home…from me”

I didn’t know what to say…didn’t know what to do as I pulled out another cigarette…placing it between my lips but not lighting it. “What about your mother” I questioned rather rudely…but then again was there any other way when it came to me.

“What the fuck about her” he shot back…leaning against a nearby tree with a look of pure anger and defiance placated across his face. “Since dad and Michael moved back to Oregon she hasn’t given two shits about me. Once they were settled into their new house she couldn’t wait to ship me off here to live with them. She lives with her high society husband in her high society life and she has no room for me”

“Hank…” I spoke softly as I slowly made my way to the where he was still leaning against the tree…doing the same as he as I finally lit my cancer stick. “Have you talked to Michael about this” I questioned already knowing the answer by the look of guilt upon his face.

“I can’t…”

“Of course you can and you will. Michael needs to know that you are having these types of feelings. Plus…I bet if you were to tell him that maybe we could do something about it” I chuckled at the look of pure hope that was radiating across his face.

“Something like what…”

“Talk to Michael and then talk to me” my chuckles turned to deep-throated laughter as I patted him on the shoulder before taking my leave deeper into the woods. Taking a deep breath I pulled clean air into my lungs before sitting down upon a fallen tree as all sorts of crazy images and idea began to fill my manipulative head. Ideas of what I wanted from him…for us once we got back to Pittsburgh. I wanted more then the simple friendship that had always been Mikey and Brian for so long. I wanted Mikey in my life…in my home…but more then anything I wanted him in my bed. My mind began to race as to how and what I would have to do to ensure that this would happen…because Brian Kinney always got what he wanted…no matter what the cost. I didn’t care about his new family…didn’t care that he had lost the man that he had shared the last five years of his life with. Hell I didn’t care that Michael had no say in my decision and for the first time since I had arrived I smiled. That smile did not however last long as I made my way back towards the house…whistling a happy tune as I ripped open the door and found Michael and his new family being just that…a family as they sat around the kitchen table preparing for the days events.

All thoughts of manipulation and determination flew out the window as yet another true realization hit upon me. This was not the same Michael that was once the shadowed whipping boy to myself all those years ago. This was not the same man that would do everything and anything to ensure my happiness…even if it meant that he turned out to be the one unhappy in the end. This was not the same Michael that worshipped the ground that I walked upon…that loved me without question or fail. No…that Michael was gone and in his place a well rounded…mature and loving partner and father who in truth didn’t need me as much as I needed him. Sadness and another bout of jealously invaded me as I continued to watch as he fluttered around ensuring his children’s needs before sitting down at the head of the table…gracing them with a smile full of pure and radiant love. I knew that they and only they would get his devote attention…that their needs would come of that of my own and despite the fact that it ate little by little at my gut I was willing to take what he could give me. Michael and his family were to become my top priority. No strings…no hidden agenda’s…despite the fact that I loved him more then I could or would ever admit to anyone. Their happiness and contentment was going rule my life…even if they didn’t know about it.

The funeral was beautiful as Michael and his family sat huddled together as I sat behind them looking on. He didn’t shed a tear the whole time…his smile never faltered as he greeted every single person attending afterwards and yet despite his brave face I knew that he was slowly dying inside. His bravado never cracked as he comforted Hank in the limo on the way back to his home as I held a slumbering Lily in my arms…but I knew it was coming and when it did it was going to be massive. I didn’t know how right I was going to be as he continued to play the strong and silent host to his many somber guests. Four hours into the wake I had yet to see him sit…much less eat anything and each time that I tried to get him to eat just the smallest of morsels he would kindly decline with that fake smile and walk away. Slowly the house began to empty until it was just the two of us sitting side by side upon the couch. Leaning back I laid my arm around his shoulder as I attempted to pull him back in order to try and give him some comfort…but he was having none of it as he jerked his frame from off the couch and began to pick up some discarded trash.

“Leave that for the cleaning lady” I said…trying to control the emotion of the situation. “You need to sit you ass down here and relax…you’ve had a long day” I scolded as I pulled myself off of the couch…removing the trash from his hands as I pushed him back into his vacated spot. “I am going to get you something to eat and then you are going to go to bed”

“I’m not hungry” he replied sadly as he looked up at me with such saddened eyes that I had to fight the urge to pull him into my arms and try and take the pain away. “I have too much to do to worry about sleep and besides…”

“I said you are going to eat something and then you are going to bed…hear me. Or…I will kick your ass” I challenged as I made my way into the kitchen…leaving him alone with my gentle threats. Fifteen minutes later I walked back into the living room to find him stretched out across the couch…light sounds of snoring wafting around him. Placing the plate of food upon the coffee table I quietly made my way over towards his slumbering form as I knelt down before him. Gazing down upon his handsome face I fought to control the urge to touch him…to kiss those perfect lips formed in a sexy pout before me. I quickly lost the battle as my hands became life forms of their own. With soft and subtle strides I traced the contours of his beautiful face as I leaned in and placed a tender and chaste kiss upon those lips that I was dying to kiss for a lifetime…only to jerk back quickly as he returned from his realm of sleep with shock filled eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing” he accused as he pushed his way past my still kneeling frame as he began to pace the room around us.

“I was just checking to make sure you were still breathing” I quipped as I pulled myself into an upright position…sitting upon the couch once I had.

“Bull shit” he snapped as his pacing began to increase. “Something’s never fucking change do they” he spoke in accusing tones once again as he stopped his side to side journey…standing before me with his hands upon his hips. “David isn’t even fucking cold yet and you already have sex on your mind. Since there is no Babylon here I guess you thought you could have your way with me until you get back home” his ranting continued as I fought the urge to punch the shit out of the grieving man.

“Mikey…your not being fair. I wasn’t trying to have my way with you and you know it” I spoke through gritted teeth. “Look I know that you are angry and that by taking it out on me you think that it will make you feel better and…”

“Hell yes I am angry” he cut me off spitefully. “I am angry at myself for being stupid enough to think that you had changed enough to be there for me when I needed you the most. I was stupid enough to hope that you had grown up enough to realize there is more to life then fucking every man that graces your path. I should have never asked you to come here” his words of hate continued and with each one another spike was wedged deep within my heart until I felt as if it was going to detach from my chest and slam into my stomach. I wanted to cry…wanted to beat his face into a bloody pulp at the same time and so I did the only thing that I could do as I lunged from the couch and pulled his angry frame into my arms tightly.

“Leave me the fuck alone” he screamed against my shoulder as I continued to hold him to me with a vice like grip. “Stop it you mother fucker” he went on…but still I held onto him for I knew that he needed to expel those demons once and for all and a little determined love was the only way to do it. He fought like a wild man…scratching…hitting and even biting as he tried like hell to escape my grasp…but yet I never let go. His anger finally subsided as the bone weary reality of the day finally hit upon him. “Oh god Brian…he’s dead” he sobbed against my shoulder as he wettened my shirt with his tears and yet I still held him. His whole body shook as sob after gut wrenching sob escaped his tiny frame. I had to seriously fight to control my own tears as the sounds of his pain and fear echoed loudly around us…but not for the death of his lover…but at the realization of just how much Michael truly loved David.

Once I knew that the fight was out of him I slowly led the two of us to his is room. The major sobbing was over…but his shoulders still shuddered with each tear filled breath that he took. “Let’s get you to bed Michael” I spoke softly as I began to undress him…stopping short when his hand fell upon my own.

“I can do it” he replied sadly…his eyes not meeting mine as he walked to the other end of the room and once again began to undress. Neither one of us spoke a word and the tension was so thick that I could have sworn that it made the room look hazy and dull or maybe it was the tears of hurt that blinded my vision.

“I’m…I’m going to go to my room now” I spoke stupidly as he began to fumble with the zipper of his dress pants.

“Brian…wait…please” he begged as he ran over to here I stood in the doorway. “Please don’t go”

“Michael…” I sighed trying to control the over all urge to pull him into my arms…but I held strong as I gripped onto the door for added support. “I think that it is best. You need to get some rest and after what you said to me I…”

“I know what I said and I am sorry” he sobbed as he threw himself into my arms. I quickly gave up my fight of control as I wrapped my arms around his shivering frame…laying my chin upon his head as we once again weathered the storm of his tears. “I…I didn’t mean it Brian…you have to know that” he sobbed against my chest. “I am just so angry and…and I wanted to hurt someone and that someone was you. Please Brian…don’t go. Stay with me tonight” he sobs turned into outright sounds of begging and how could I deny him anything as I closed the bedroom door before leading him over to the bed.

Take off your pants” I ordered as I began to strip off my own clothes. I could see the uncertainly in his eyes as he timidly removed his pants until he was clad only in his boxer before he crawled into bed beside me. With careful measures I wrapped my arms around his rigid frame as I pulled him as tight as I could against my weary body. With slow and languid motions I began to rub his back in hopes that it would sooth the tension so clearly felt beneath my finger tips and within moments they began to subside…causing a small smile of triumph to grace my face.

“He promised me he wasn’t ever going to leave me” I heard him sob against my chest while his head lay upon it. “He promised me that we would grow old together. He made so many promises to me and now he is gone” My skin became wet with his tears as I kissed him gently upon the top of his head as he continued because I knew that it was something that he had to do. “He’s gone and I am all alone…so alone”

“Your not alone Michael…you have me…you’ll always have me no matter what” I promised as I looked down into eyes swimming with tears of pure loneness and pain. “I love you Michael…always have…always will”

“Me too” he whispered as he leaned up and placed his mouth softly over my own. “Thank you Brian. Thank you for being my best friend…for being there for me despite the fact that we have drifted apart over the years. Thank you for taking care of me…thank you…”

“Sleep” I ordered as I pulled him tightly against my body. He didn’t put up any struggle as he closed his eyes and within seconds he was out like a light. Sleep however…eluded me for most of the night as I tried to gain control of my spiraling emotions of love and friendship that I felt towards Michael. I still loved him. I still wanted him…but as night turned into morning I finally accepted that despite what I wanted nothing was more important then Michael. I knew that after the death of David that there was a hole so large within Michael’s heart that it could take month’s…years or possible never for it to heal. I knew that no matter how badly I loved and needed him…there was a great chance that he would never love and need me like I loved and needed him. I didn’t know what was going to happen between Michael and myself after that night. I didn’t know if we would continue to be friends…or maybe more. Didn’t know if we would possibly one day become what I wanted so badly that I couldn’t breath at the idea of it not coming true. “I’ll wait for you Mikey…forever if I have to” I whispered against his ear as he continued to slumber within the sanctity of my arms.

The next week flew by in a flash and before I even know what was happening we were on a plane and on our way back to Pittsburgh. He clutched my hand tightly within his own the entire flight as he downed one after another of the complementary Champaign cocktails the stewardess kept placing into his hand. “Michael…I think you need to slow down” I spoke out of concern after he finished what I counted to be his third. “By the time we get to the Pitts you are going to be stone cold plastered and your mother is going to blame no one but me”

“Yeah…I know” he chuckled slightly drunk as he leaned up and placed a quick kiss upon my cheek. “Do you remember when we were kids how whenever I got into trouble you were the first one that she blamed…even if you had nothing to do with it” his laughter continued as his eyes glazed over while together we took a trip down memory lane. “And yet each time you took the blame…never letting me take the fall for anything”

“You were my best friend…best friends protect each other” I replied truthfully.

“Even now” he spoke…his mind clearly off somewhere else. “You gave up everything to be with me after David’s death. Why is that?”

“Were best friend…best friends protect each other” I repeated my earlier response as I leaned my forehead against his. Together our eyes locked as the world around us disappeared and it was just Mikey and Brain just as it always should be. Slowly our lips inclined until I could feel the ragged heat of his breath as it raced across my slightly parted mouth.

“Do…do you think that the kids are ok” he spoke quickly…jerking us back into harsh reality. “I think that I should go and check on them” his words flew from his mouth in a blur as he released my hand and raced down the aisle to where the kids were huddled together in a game of cards a few rows behind us. He didn’t return to his seat until the stewardess made the final announcement that we were about to land. I knew why he was avoiding me and as much as it hurt to know it…I was glad that he had left me alone with my thoughts for a while. I knew that it was going to be hard not to continue to fall head over heels in love with Michael…but I knew that I had to control my actions…control my love until he was ready…if he ever was.

“MICHAEL…OMG…MY BABY” I heard Debby scream as we made our way into the crowded terminal. “Jesus Christ you look so thin” her voice continued to carry as she pulled her only son into her arms. “Didn’t they feed you in Oregon”

“Ma…I feel just fiiinne” he slurred as he planted a wet and sloppy kiss upon his mothers cheek.

“Holy fuck…he’s drunk” she screamed as she looked at me accusingly. “Jesus Christ Brian…up to your old tricks already”

“Well what can I say…I can’t control myself” I belted out as I lifted Lily from where she stood attached to my leg as she looked fearfully at her overbearing grandmother. “You ok princess” I whispered to the newest love of my life.

“That lady scares me” she spoke fearfully as she clutched at my neck as if for dear life.

“You and everyone else that comes in contact with her” I chuckled as I kissed her tenderly upon her chubby cheek. “Don’t worry sweetie she won’t hurt you…I won’t let her” I winked at her as together we walked towards the still ranting women. “Debby…if your done berating your only son I thought that you might want to meet your granddaughter” I interrupted her giving my princess a reassuring smile before handing her over to Debby. “Lily this is your grandmother…grandma meet lily”

“I see she hasn’t changed much” I heard Hank laugh behind me.

“No shit…” I laughed along with him. “Never will either…but that is Debby for you”

“Thanks Brian” he spoke…all laughter gone from his face as he looked up at me with a serious expression.

“For what” I questioned…more then a bit confused.

“Thank you for allowing me to come along with you…for allowing me to stay with my father”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. Michael is your father and you and he belong together. I had nothing to do with that”

“You did and despite the fact that you won’t take the credit it means more to me then you can know. He loves you so much and I know that you love him and you could have been the ass that I have heard so much about…but you weren’t. You allowed me and Lily to come with you and that says a lot about you. Just give him time Brian…he will come around…he just needs time to grieve”

I was speechless as the younger version of David patted me upon the shoulder before making his way over to his step-grandmother. “What were the two of you talking about” I heard Michael question still slightly tipsy as he snaked his arm around my waist…leaning his head upon my shoulder.

“He was just commenting on how little your mother has changed since he last met her” I semi lied as we turned to face the radiating granny as she basked in the love of her grandkids.

“No shit…never will either” he chuckled…causing me to join him at our exact response. “Come on Michael lets rescue your kids before she devours them whole”

“Jesus Brain…its so huge” he gaped in admiration.

“So I’ve been told” I laughed as I hugged him close giving him a suggestive look.

“I meant the house asshole” he laughed back as we made our way into the home that I had lived in for the last year.

“Well…I wasn’t looking to buy a house…but it sort of just fell into my lap” I spoke as I looked around the vastness of my dwelling. “Gardner…my ex-partner…was looking to sell it fast when the company bit the dust after my firing and well how could I turn it down” I laughed evilly as I recalled the way I had basically bought out his life after he fired me from the company a little over two years ago. I bought his house and the company and it cost me virtually nothing”

“Yeah…I bet” he chuckled as he fell heavily onto the leather couch behind him. “Man…I am bushed” he whined as he lay back…closing his eyes.

“Why don’t you take a nap while I get the kids settled down…then I can order some take out for dinner”

“Brian…I can’t let you do that” he spoke tiredly…trying to get up off of the couch…but I was having none of it as I pushed him gently back down.

“Sleep…the kids and I will fend for our selves for awhile” I didn’t have to say anymore because within seconds he was sound asleep. “Sleep well Mikey” I whispered softly as I quietly made my way out of the living room in search of his children.

A month later…

“Are you fucking kidding me” I heard Michael exclaim in shock as we sat before the lawyer. “OMG…Brian hold my hand…please” he begged as I grabbed onto his hand…trying my best to be there for him.

“No Mr. Novotny I am not kidding you” the lawyer spoke straight forward as we sat in his office a month after Michael returned to Pittsburgh. “Dr. Cameron left you a very large sum of money in his will as well as a million dollar life insurance policy and with the funds from the selling of your residence you now have a net worth of three point five million dollars. If you want I can set you up with one of our financial advisors to assist you with how best to manage your money”

“No…” he spoke quickly…increasing the pressure he held on my hand. “Bri…I mean Mr. Kinney will be acting as my financial advisor” he spoke determinedly…giving my hand a firm squeeze before letting it go altogether.

“I understand” the man spoke as he gathered a stack of papers…sliding them over to Michael for him to sign. “If you will please sign all the x’s then we can transfer the funds into your acct” Over an hour later it was all official as we walked hand in hand out of the lawyers office. My mind was a mess as I tried to comprehend what in the hell he was thinking by making me his financial advisor…but could not come up with anything that made any sense.

“Are you fucking crazy” I finally blurted out once we made our way out into the heated depths of the city. “What the hell were you thinking when you made me your financial advisor…and what the hell was I thinking when I accepted” I barked as I halted all movement…jerking him back towards me when he did not comply. “What the fuck do I know about managing your money. Shit…I can barely manage my own”

“I have faith in you and besides your not fooling anyone Brian. I’ve been your friend for to long not to know that you know exactly what you are doing. Jesus…since we were kids you were always a money wiz. I was always in awe of the fact that despite the fact that your family was poorer then mine…you always seemed to have money. I watched as you wheeled and dealed your way through high school. I reveled in the way you worked you way up the advertising ladder in college and I sat in awe as little by little you turned your meager saving into buckets of cash. I trust you Brian…I know that you will take care of me…of all this money because I have no idea what to do with it” I could tell that he meant it and it meant more to me then he could ever have known as I leaned down and kissed him tenderly upon his grinning lips. “Does that mean that you will do it” he questioned…still grinning like the Cheshire cat.

“Was there ever any doubt” I laughed despite the fact that I was still unsure as to what I was going to do to help him. “When have I ever turned you down Michael”

“Shit where do I start” he laughed…hugging me tightly. “Thank you Brian…you have no idea what this means to me”

“Your welcome” was my truthful reply as I wrapped my arms around his waist…closing my eyes as city life went on around the two of us.

Six months later…

“Hey…you got a minute” I heard Michael speak nervously from the partially open doorway of my home office.

“Sure Michael…I always have time for you” I chucked softly as I closed the lid of my computer. “What’s up” My heart began to beat crazily within my chest as I gazed into eyes filled with such upset that it scared the living shit out of me. “What…what’s wrong” I gushed as I rushed from behind the desk as I made my way towards him.

“Nothing is wrong” he spoke quickly…moving away from me as he went and sat on the couch on the other side of the room. “I just think that it is time for me and the kids to move out of here” he spoke…avoiding my eyes as he stared at the picture of a naked man over the fireplace. “I mean…” he continued to speak…still not looking at me. “Lily…Hank and myself just busted in here and made our self at home and it was great at the beginning…but now I feel as if we have over stayed our welcome. I have enough money in the bank to buy a house for us and then you can take your life back”

“Did I do or say something that made you think that I wanted you to leave” I questioned…trying like hell to figure out where this was coming from.

“No…but we have been living here for the last seven months and I know you must be tired of us by now. I mean shit…you haven’t been out since we got here. You haven’t been on any dates…or brought any tricks home and I know it is because of the fact that the kids and I are here. We just took over your life and now it is time to give it back”

“Michael…I…I” I tried to speak…but my tongue would not cooperate…and it would not have mattered due to the amount of determination I saw in his eyes.

“I’ve already got Jennifer looking for a house for me and if all goes to plan we should be out of your hair right after the holidays…that’s if you can deal with us until then” he laughed sadly…as he finally looked up at me.

“Sure…that would be fine” I relied…my heart dying in my chest at the thought of not having Michael and the children that I already thought of as my own in my life. I wanted to fight him…wanted to scream and yell until I was blue in the face to make him understand that I loved the fact that he…as well as the kids were living under my roof. I wanted to open my heart to him and express just how much my love for him had grown since we became somewhat of a family…but I remained tight lipped as he gave me a sad smile and disappeared out the door of my den.

The holidays were upon us before we knew it and with each day that drew them nearer my heart died a little more. I was beside myself with grief as Michael continued with his plan to move out of my life and despite the fact that it was slowly killing me…I said not a word. Michael seemed oblivious to my pain…and who could blame him as he prepared to finally take some control of his own life. “Why are you letting him do this” I heard the angry voice of Hank call out to me as I sat alone in the living room one night staring at the tree decorated before us. “Why are you letting him move us into another home”

“Because it is what he wants” I spoke irritated as I grabbed a cigarette from the end table besides me…lighting it up as I tried to calm my already frazzled nerves. “Because it is what he needs”

“Fuck what he needs” he retorted even angrier. “What about what Lily and I need…what you need”

“Don’t you talk about you father like that” I scolded as I pulled myself to the end of the cushion. “He is doing what is best for all of you”

“And what about you” he questioned as he came and sat down beside me. “What is best for you…because I know him moving out isn’t it”

“Your crazy” I cried out…jumping off of the couch as I began to pace the room. “Having you all gone is best for me” I tried to sound strong and determined…but instead came off sounding flat and untrue.

“Why don’t you just tell him that you love him” he continued to question me from where he continued to sit. “Tell him that you love him and that you don’t want us to leave and he will stay”

“You don’t know that” I scoffed…taking another drag from my cigarette.

“I do…and he will…but you have to tell him first” I watched as he pulled his frame from off the couch…watched as he walked over to where I stood…placing a kiss upon my frowning lips before leaving me alone with my thoughts. I thought long and hard about what Hank had said to me. Thought about the way that he kissed me before he left…because it wasn’t just that he had kissed me…it was that he had kissed me in the way that a family member kisses another family member. I avoided Michael the rest of the evening…claiming that I had a headache and needed to go to bed. However…sleep never came as I sat on the balcony outside of my room deep into the morning hours trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

“Fuck…” I cried out frustrated into the night because the truth of the matter was I knew what I needed to do…what I didn’t know was if I had the balls to do it.

“NOOOO…” I heard a frightened voice cry out down the hallway…scaring me to my very core as I raced from the chair I had been perched on for hours…cursing to myself as a numbness spread like wildfire through my legs. “NOOO…” the scream came again as I pushed through the pain and raced down the hallway…bursting into her room as I gathered her shivering frame into my arms.

“Shhh…Lily…Shhh…it’s ok…I’m here” I soothed as she wrapped her arms around my neck as if for dear life.

“I…I was so scared” she bawled against my neck as she continued to plaster herself to me.

“It was only a dream princess” I rubbed her back in calming circles as I kissed her tear-stained face. “It was only a horrible nightmare and now it’s over”

“NO…it’s not over” she sobbed even more upset then before as she once again wrapped her arms around my neck. “In my dream we were leaving you. Daddy was making us move away from you and I don’t want to move away from you. I love you…Uncle Brian”

Tears flooded my eyes as her words began to set in. She loved me…she needed me…but most important she didn’t want to leave me. “I…I love you too princess” I whispered against her sweet smelling head as I pulled her tighter into my arms. “And I promise you that I will have a talk with your daddy tomorrow to see if you can stay with me…all of you” I corrected when she looked up at me with concern in her young eyes.

“Promise…” she questioned…fighting a yawn.

“I promise…now do you think that you are ready to go back to sleep” but she never responded for she was already deep within the realm of slumber before I laid her head upon her pillow. I knew right then and there that no matter what Michael and his family were not leaving my side. I was determined to prove to him that in my home with me was where they belonged and would forever. I vowed to myself to show Michael just how much I loved him and that I wanted more from him then I had ever wanted before. I knew what I had to do and despite the fact that it was still quite early in the morning…I knew who I had to talk to in order to put my plan into action.

“Who the fuck is this” I heard the clearly pissed off voice of Michael’s mother scream across the phone line.

“Debby…it’s Brian” I answered her a bit fearfully for I knew from first hand experience just how hateful she could get when she was woken up at ungodly hours of the morning.

“Brian…what…what the fuck” she bellowed out…cutting herself off quickly as upset turned into pure panic. “OMG…Michael…the kids”

“They are all fine” I assured her…taking a deep breath before I continued on. “Debby…I need your help”

“Are you in some kind of trouble” she asked concern still evident in her voice…causing me to smile despite myself.

“No…not yet anyways” I spoke in riddles…confusing myself as I tried to come up with the right way to explain to the women who thought I was nothing but trouble for her son how much I loved and needed him. “Debby…I…I love Michael” I blurted out as I waited for the backlash that I was sure to come after my outburst. However…I received none as the line went eerily silent. “Debby…”

“You finally came to your senses you little bastard” she spoke loudly…causing me to pull the phone away from my ear slightly. “It only took you a little over twenty years to figure it out. So…what the hell makes you think that I am going to help you after all the hurt and the pain that you have caused my son in the past”

I was at a loss for words as the truth of her words rained over me. It was true that that while we were growing up and even into adulthood I had done and said some mean and hurtful thing to Michael. I knew how much he loved and cared for me and yet I continued to drag him along as I fucked every single trick that crossed my path…never once giving myself to him as he wanted. I had hurt him tremendously when I started my somewhat fucked up relationship with Justin and yet through it all he never once stopped loving me. “I love him” I spoke earnestly…my eyes watering with tears as just how much I truly did love him. “I love him so much that I can’t imagine my life without him in it. He’s been my every thing all these years…even if I never showed it and now he wants to move out and leave me alone. I can’t lose him Debby…I just can’t. I can’t live without him by my side”

“Jesus Brian…you had me at I love him”

“Then…then you’ll help me”

“Tell me what you want me to do” It was nearly an hour before I hung up the phone with the love of my life’s mother and once I was sure that she was truly going to help me was I able to finally allow myself to rest. Slumber over came me quickly as I closed my eyes and dreamed of the man that held the very essence of my heart and soul.

The next day…

I was a bundle of nerves as I prepared for what I hoped would be the most romantic evening of Michael’s life. I wanted everything to be perfect…just like he was perfect and I hoped that everything that I was doing was going to be enough to prove just that. My stomach was tied up in knots and my head was pounding so hard that I just knew that my brain was going to explode from my head and splatter all over my immaculate home. I had so much to do before he got back home from a pre-planned shopping excursion with Emmett and Ted and yet I still didn’t think that it was time enough to get done what I wanted to get done. “Brian…you look like shit” I heard Debby laugh as she placed a large pan of lasagna in the oven to bake.

“Thanks Deb…as always a pleasure to see you again” I sniped as I fell into a nearby chair…massaging my temples trying like hell to will the pain away. “My fucking head is killing me and I still have so much to do before he gets back”

“Your just nervous that’s all” she giggled lightly as she came up behind me and began to rub my tension filled shoulders. “You have a lot riding on tonight…that is if you don’t fuck it up with your lack of words and expression” her laughter continued as she leaned in and kissed me upon the side of my head. “Now get your ass upstairs and lay down for awhile. Everything is under control down here. Lily is down for her nap and Hank is over at his friend’s house until I call him when I am ready to go. The lasagna is in the oven and won’t be ready for the next three hours. Emmett has strict instructions not to bring Michael back before six so you have plenty of time for a short nap”

“I wanted to talk to the kids before you take them this afternoon” I spoke slowly rubbing my eyes as the pain was ebbing its way into them as well.

“I am not leaving until this master piece of mine is done. You still have time to go and rest for a few hours before the kids and I leave. Besides…I would think that you would want to be in tip top shape for…you know” she giggled again as she placed two aspirin and a glass of water into my hand.

“I think that we are jumping the gun just a bit with the you know” I replied between gulps of the refreshing water as I swallowed the pain relievers.

“I know you and I know my son and there will be some major…you know going on tonight once the two of you get you heads out of your asses. Now go on…get the hell out of here and take that nap. I will come and get you an hour before I leave so you have enough time to talk to the kids”

I wanted to fight her…but I knew that all objections would have fallen on deaf ears as she turned from me and began to rummage through my refrigerator. “Thank you Debby…for everything” I spoke sincerely as I walked over to where she stood…kissing her lightly upon the cheek before I made my way towards my room.

“Your welcome you little shit” she spoke tearfully…quickly turning serious as she turned to face me. “But I promise you this Brian Kinney…if you hurt him in the least you won’t have to worry about you know…because you won’t have your you know what anymore” With a fearful nod of understanding I quickly made my exit. Lying down was exactly what I needed for as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out cold. Before I knew it Debby was knocking at my door alerting me that the time for my little talk with Michael’s kids was near. With quick measures I rearranged my rumpled self as I made my way nervously down the hallway towards the playroom. Taking a few deep breathes I tried to control my nervousness and despite how helpful the nap had been for my headache it had done nothing to control the knots in my stomach.

“Uncle Brian” I heard the beautiful voice of my princess call out happily to me as I finally made my way into their over filled toy room. Since they had moved in I had literally bought every toy and video game system know to man in order to make them happy…and truth be told to make them love me just a bit as well. “Uncle Brian…did you know that we are staying at Grandma’s tonight” her cheerful words continued to flow as she bound into my waiting arms. “She told me that she is going to take me to see Santa tomorrow and that I would get to pick out a new dress for my dolly”

“Jesus Lily…slow down” Hank laughed as he walked over to where we were standing…taking his sister from me. “I think that Uncle Brian wants to talk to us and he can’t very well do that when you are going on about your stupid doll”

“Miss. Prissy is not a stupid doll…you…you meanie” she yelled back in defense of the doll I had brought for her before we left Oregon. “You take that back Hank” she pouted…poking out that bottom lip of hers that made all of us fall at her mercy each and every time that she used it.

“Ok sissy…Miss. Prissy is not a stupid doll” he gave in quickly…laughing out loud as she wrapped her chubby arms around his neck as she kissed him quickly upon smiling lips. “But Uncle Brian does want to talk to us so lets listen ok”

“Ok…” was her carefree reply as she leaned against her older brother as the two of them look over expectantly for me to begin. I had faced a lot of tough clients in my time as an ad executive. I had gone head to head with some of the toughest critics in the biz…but as I continued to gaze at the two youngsters before me I knew that all those others were merely child play as I parked my frame in one of Lily’s tiny chairs and began to sell my pitch.

An hour later…

“Good luck baby” Deb assured me as she kissed me quickly upon the cheek as she led the children out the front door. “Just tell him how you truly feel and all your dreams will come true”

“I hope so” I whispered under my breath as I watched the trio exit the house…leaving me to wait for the love of my life to return. Thirty minutes later I heard him enter the house-stopping short as he entered the dining room where he found me sitting in wait at the beautifully set table.

“Whoa…” he spoke in awe as he looked at the feast spread out before him. “Shit Brian…why didn’t you tell me that you had a date tonight” he gasped out…clueless that every minute detail was only for him. “If I would have known the kids and I would have made ourselves scarce. Shit…damn…don’t worry I will pack up the kids and we can stay at my mom’s tonight” he stammered as he raced past me in an attempt to leave the room.

“Michael wait…” I called out after him…hindering his attempts to leave as I grabbed onto his arm…forcing him to face me. “The kids are already at your mothers house and…”

“Oh…right” he relied in what seemed to be a jealous fashion. “Well then I will just get my coat and leave myself”

“I don’t have a date tonight Michael” I called out after his retreating figure…smiling slightly when he stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to face me. “Well…I mean I have a date but it is with you” I grinned as I walked over to his unmoving frame…taking his hand into my own as I led him back into the dinning room.

“A date with me…” he questioned as he fell into the chair I had led him to.

“Yeah…I just thought it would be nice to spend some alone time with you Michael since we haven’t been able to since you’ve got back” I spoke in half truths as I took my seat on the other side of the table. “Besides I really need to talk to you about something very important”

“Ok…” was his simple reply as he smiled at me from across the table and for the briefest of moments I felt that maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought it was going to be. I felt that maybe just by looking into his eyes that he understood that he meant everything to me…but all hopes were dashed in an instant when he began to speak again. “Looks like your dream is about to come true” he chuckled as he dug into the salad sitting before him. My heart caught in my throat as images of my dream man and the life I hoped that we would shared cluttered my mind…only to vanish very quickly. “Jennifer called me today and told me that she had found the perfect house for me and the kids. So I took a trip over with her and she was right…it is absolutely the most beautiful home that I have ever seen. It has everything Brian…three bedrooms…four bathrooms…an in ground swimming pool and the best part is that it is only like ten minutes from the local school zone. It’s absolutely perfect in everyway and to tell you the truth I am more then a little excited about getting moved in. Jennifer offered my bid to the owners this afternoon and now I just have to wait to see if they accept it” he rambled on excitedly…one hell of a beautiful smile gracing his handsome face. “So what do you think…” he questioned me as I tried to pretend that my heart was not sinking into the pit of my stomach. “Brain…”

“Um…that’s great…wonderful even” I blurted out unthinking. “About fucking time too since I was getting sick and tired of looking at your face” I laughed in a lame attempt to be funny…only Michael didn’t take it that way as he pushed him self away from the table and tried to leave the room. “Michael…where are you going” I questioned as I jumped from my chair…grabbing onto his arm as I forced him to turn around and face me.

“You know what asshole…if we were such a burden to be here then why didn’t you just let me stay with my mother once we came back. You demanded that we stay with you remember. I tried to argue with you and tell you it was for the best to have stayed at home…but you argued that the house was too small for all of us and you had this huge house. You…”

“I love you Michael” I blabbed out…cutting him off mid sentence as I tightened the hold that I had on him when it seemed his legs began to go out on him. “And I don’t want you and the kids to leave here…ever”

“What…what…” he stammered…staring up at me in complete and utter disbelief.

“I said I love you and I don’t want you or the kids to ever leave” I repeated a bit braver…trying like hell to suppress the smile that was threatening to cover my face.

“I heard you the first time…but what does it mean” he questioned again with a look of pure confusion covering his face. “Are you trying to tell me something Brian…or is this your attempt to make up to me for being a raving shit”

“It means that I love you Michael. It means that I want you to live here in this house with me and your children for the rest of our lives” I promised as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders…pulling him tauntly against my frame as I laid my forehead upon his forehead. “I’m telling you that I want to be with you Mikey…now and forever…if you’ll have me”

“You…you haven’t called me Mikey in years” he spoke tearfully as he stared into my equally tearful eyes.

“I love you Mikey”

“I…I love you too…Brian”

Slowly our lips inclined until they were pressed tightly together. For the shortest of moments that was where they lingered until the need to consume him inhabited me in the form of a mind-blowing…soul-searing kiss of pure want and need. I didn’t know who opened up to who first…and it didn’t matter in the least as heated tongues explored hot and sensuous terrains. Dinner was all but forgotten as we continued to share a mind numbing and soul consuming lip lock that had us gasping for life giving breath moments after we started it. “Mi…Mikey” I panted against his kiss bruised lips.

“Yes…”he answered without me having to speak another word as we raced down the hallway…clothes flying everywhere as we entered my room completely nude and ready to take our long in coming relationship into its final stages. “Are…are you sure” He asked hesitantly as we stood before the bed we were about to share…a look of pure panic spread across his handsome face. That look tore at my heart in ways that I never knew were possible because I knew that after years of leading him on…only to stop when my own fears and insecurities got the better of me…it was no ones fault but my own. “Please Brian…I couldn’t take it if you decide half way through that you don’t want me in the way that I have always wanted you”

“Oh god Mikey…” I cried out in utter response as I cupped his gorgeous face tenderly within my hands. “I have always wanted you in that way…I was just to stupid to realize how much until now. Jesus Mikey…don’t you know how much I want you” I sighed as I leaned forward…drawing my lips along the rugged contours of his shoulder blade.

“Well if this is any indication then yes” he chuckled lustfully…all signs of insecurities gone from his face as he reached down and captured my raging dick within the heated depths of his hand. Running my hand through his hair…I jerk his face forward until our lips met once again in wondrous splendor…only to part quickly as wet tongues got into the action as they explored vaguely familiar and yet so new territory. His mouth was tasty and wet as I kneaded my tongue with his own…until once again the need to breath broke us apart. “Make love to me Brian” he begged softly as he kissed me quickly upon my lips before crawling across the bed…lying on his back leaving him self fully open to both our needs.

“Are…are you sure” I questioned with all the nervousness of a first time partaker in sexual gratification.

“I’m sure” he responded and I could see the honest truth in his eyes as I crawled across the vastness of the bed…straddling his waist as I leaned in and kissed him softly upon swollen lips of passion. My body was on fire as I laid out on top of him…my hands exploring every nook and cranny of his amazingly compact body as my teeth and mouth did the same. I had forgotten how much I loved the manly smell that was only Michael as I leaned in and nuzzled the sensitive juncture between his neck and shoulder…smiling grandly at the shudder that quickly inhabited his body. “What are you smiling at” he asked me as he graced me with one of his ever-famous glowing Mikey smiles…causing my smile to grow even more.

“I just can’t believe how lucky I am” I spoke truthfully as I leaned down and kissed him quickly. “I can’t believe that I am here with you in my bed. Can’t believe that we are going to make love after almost six years”

“I know it’s pretty amazing that we’ve finally come together after all these years” he said…his face beaming without another one of those eye pleasing smiles of his.

“I’ve always loved you Michael” I spoke on a more serious note…having to ensure that he knew just how much he had been part of my life…even if he hadn’t been in it much in those last passing years. “And I want more then just a simple fuck whenever the mood hits us. I want it all Mikey. I want you to be my partner in life. I want to watch Gus go off to college next year and bawl like a baby when we have to let him go. I want to watch my princess grow up and become the beautiful young women that I know she will become. I want to argue and fight with your mother over how it took me over twenty years to realize the true depths of my love for you. But…most of all I just want to grow old with you as we spend the rest of our lives together”

“Jesus Brian…you had me at I love you” he grinned at me…cupping my face with his hands. However…his grin was quickly replaced by a look of pure confusion at my out burst of laughter. “What is so funny…” he questioned…still in the dark.

“Oh baby…you are your mothers son” I laughed as I leaned in and captured those beautifully confused lips within my own.  
“Wh..what” he stammered once I released them.

“I’ll tell you all about it later because right now I have to make love to the only man that I will ever love” I replied in all seriousness.

“Ok…” was his breathy response as he closed his eyes as I stretched out atop him and began to my exploration of his body once again. My mouth traced every fine line of his chest…paying particular attention to fully erect nipples as his body shuddered in complete and utter response with each taste. I could feel his hardness as with each movement of my body against his it reacted with a pleasureful twitch. I wanted him…I need him and as much as I wanted to prolong out mating process…I knew that if I didn’t take him there and then that I was going to lose what was left of my sanity. Leaving his side for the shortest of seconds I crawled over to nightstand in search of an elusive condom…nearly screaming in victory once I had found one. With slight of hand I quickly covered my already oozing member…crawling back over to my wide-eyed love as he gazed up at me with lust filled eyes.

“Are you sure Mikey” I questioned him once again as I knelt beside his legs in wait of what I prayed would be a positive response.

“Make love to me Brian” he moaned as I slide between his partially open legs…moving them over my shoulders and I positioned myself at his entrance. Tears threatened my eyes as I inched my way forward…allowing him to become accustomed to my girth before sliding the rest of the way inside of him. Wrapping one arm around his thigh…my other free hand snaked up his body…capturing one of his hands within my own. Intertwining our fingers…our eyes locked for fear of missing one glorious second as our breath became labored and heavy with each thrust. I was close…so close that I felt that my dick was going to explode right from my body as I continued to pump into his tightness with such frenzied thrusts…but through the will of sheer force pushed the painful ecstasy aside for I wanted us to experience our long await orgasms together. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze I unclasped our hands as I reached down and replaced it with his beautiful and manly boner. “Holy fuck” he cried out in delirium as I began to stroke him to the drive of my rhythm.

I knew he was close and so was I as I increased the velocity of my actions until we the two of us were screaming through our outmost desires. “Ready…Mikey” I cried out through gritted teeth as I tried to control my urge to cum until I knew that he was ready.

“Now Brian…Now” his screams echoed around us as I set the motion that soon had us jumping over the edge of ecstasy…together. I couldn’t speak…could barely breath as I fell forward…landing on top of his heaving body. I felt as if I was in some strange other universe as the purest sensations of love and devotion coursed through my veins…and then sharp reality came back into view at the hands of the man that was the cause of it all. “That was…it was truly amazing” he panted…struggling for his own breath as his hand ran through the dampened stains of my hair. “Even better then the last time” he chuckled as he looked down at where my head was still planted upon his rippled chest. “I love you Brain” he spoke softly as he continued to massage my scalp with his fingers…as I fought like hell to control the urge to slumber.

Needless to say I lost that bet as hours later I awoke to find the bed empty and myself completely alone. “Mikey” I called out as I made my way down the darkened hallway towards the living room shadowed with the soft glow of fire. “Mikey…” I repeated as I entered the room and found him laying before the fireplace…several large pillows located behind his head. “Everything ok” I questioned uneasily as he looked up at me still unspeaking.

“I was waiting for you” he finally broke his silence as he pulled himself forward…reaching his hand out to me. Taking it I allowed him to pull me down beside him as he engulfed me within the warmth of his arms once again becoming quiet.

“Mikey…is everything ok” I asked again…cupping his face with in my hand as I awaited his reply. “Your not having second thought about what I said to you…are you”

“Jesus Brian…” he began…those beautiful brown eyes filling with tears as he continued to look up at me with them. “Those words have been what I’ve wanted to hear practically my whole life. That you loved me…that you wanted to be my life partner…that you wanted to grow old with me and now that I’ve finally heard you say them I don’t know what to think or how to react” he spoke truthfully…causing my heart to beat furiously within my chest.

“You don’t feel the same way anymore” I spoke sadly…removing my hand from his face as I attempted to pull away from him. “It’s ok Mikey…” I falsely assured. “I’ve waited to long and you don’t have those types of feelings for me any longer. I understand and…”

“Brian…please…you don’t…”

“Understand…I do Mikey. Honestly I do”

“No…you don’t…you can’t”

“Really its ok…maybe it’s…”

“Brian…this has nothing to do with the amount of love I hold for you. I love you Brian…Jesus I have loved you for as long as I’ve known you. Even when I was with David the love that I felt for you never died down. But…I loved him…loved him so much that I thought it was going to destroy me when I lost him…but it was the love that I still held for you that got me through his death. I know that I will always love you…but I can’t lie to you and say that I am not petrified at what might happen next between the two of us”

“Petrified…why”

“Because I can’t go back to being that love sick little puppy that followed you around. I can’t fall back into the roll of temporary lover until you find someone that you think might be better. I have the kids to think about as well. It’s not just my life anymore Brian. I have to think about what is best for them. I guess what I am saying is that I need to know that in six months…or sixty years you are still going to love and want me the way that you claimed tonight…because if you can’t then I can’t…I won’t do this”

“I’ve really hurt you in the past haven’t I Michael” I ask…already knowing the answer as I gaze into eyes full of remembered pain. “I can’t take back all the hurt that I caused you back then…but I can promise you that I am not that same man I was before. I’ve grown up Mikey. I gave up the tricks…the drinking and drugs a long time ago. I’ve been involved in a long and loving relationship with one man in the past. I’m not ashamed to speak of my love for my friends and family anymore…as well as showing it and I have never loved you as much as I do now. Jesus Mikey…were you not listening to me earlier when I told you that I wanted more then sex. I want you and everything that comes along with you. I love your children and I want to be a major part in their lives…but most important I want to be a major part of your life. I want to commit my life to you…because I committed my heart and my soul to you a long time ago. I want us to be…to be” I stammered as tears of pure and utter truth began to rain from my eyes. “I want to be your…”

“Life partner” he finished for me as he gazed lovingly at me.

“Yeah…my life partner…forever” I vowed.

“Well that is usually what life partner means” he laughed…kissing me quickly upon my grinning lips. “So…life partner…when do we tell the kids the good news”

“They already know” I replied smugly as I pulled my frame from off the floor…leaving him gaping in my wake.

“Wait…how…when” he stammered as he bound off the floor chasing after my retreating figure.

“Hank has been telling me to get my head out of my ass for months now…but today I sat them both down and explained to them just how much I love you and how much I want you all in my life” I beamed as I pulled his naked from into my arms…closing my eyes as I leaned my forehead against his.

“You…you did that” he whispered…wrapping his arms around my neck.

“I would do anything to ensure our togetherness…even facing your children and your mother” I laughed easily…increasing the hold that I held on him.

“So we’re a family”

“A very happy family” I finished for him as I leaned in and kissed him thoroughly. “Now…lets eat some of this cold lasagna that your mother baked up so we can rebuild our strength for out next round of love making” I winked as I kissed him again before taking his hand and leading him back towards the table.

 

Two Years Later…

“Are you sure you are ready to do this” I heard the concerned filled voice of Lindsey question me as I paced nervously up and down the aisle spread out before me.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my lifetime” I replied…pulling her into a hug as I planted a kiss upon her cheek.

“I can’t believe how much you have changed over the years” she spoke in awe as she attempted to get control of her emotions.

“Being in love will do that to you Linds…you of all people should know that” I replied softly as I fingered the gold band located on my ring finger. The same band that I had been wearing from the moment that Michael and I made our commitment before all of our family and friends almost two years ago.

“Brian…are you ready” I heard the angelic voice of my husband call out softly to me as he stood at the end of the aisle.

“Ready…” I replied as I make my way down the aisle as our friends and family looked on. “I love you” I mouthed to Michael as I took his hand as together we turned to face the man that would change our lives for the better.

“Michael Novotny and Brian Kinney I would like to introduce you to your daughter” I heard the lawyer speak out to my husband and myself as he handed the tiny bundle of joy over to my love. “Congratulations on the adoption of your new addition” I couldn’t help the tears that flowed from my eyes as I laid them upon my beautiful baby daughter.

“She’s absolutely beautiful” I heard Michael whisper as he leaned his forehead against my own…tears flowing freely from his own eyes as well.

“Beautiful” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders…pulling him and our new baby into my loving embrace. I still could not believe that we were finally the proud parents of Rose Renee’ Novotny-Kinney. We had struggled long and hard to complete her adoption…but in the end it was worth every tearful…heart wrenching moment as I continued to gaze down at the beauty. “Let’s take our new baby home Mikey” I said as I led him toward the airports exit.

“Congratulations dad’s” I heard the happy voice of my son as he ran over to greet his new sister. “Wow…she’s so tiny” he spoke in awe as he leaned in and kissed her tenderly upon her cheek.

“I wanna see…I wanna see” the clearly impatient voice of my daughter wafted around us as she tugged urgently at my pant leg.

“Princess meet your new baby sister” I spoke with pride as I lifted her from off the ground…giving her a bird’s eye view of our newest family member.

“Hello baby sister” she giggled as she leaned over and as her brother before her kissed her new sister on the cheek. “I love you daddy” she laughed happily as she threw her arms around my neck…kissing me quickly upon my lips.

“I love you too princess” I chuckled in response as she wiggled out of my arms as I put her back upon the floor

“Hey what about your other father” Michael pretended to whine as he handed Rose over to me…before chasing Lily around the room a few times before capturing her within his arms.

“I love you to silly daddy” she laughed breathless as they shared a loving father…daughter kiss.

“Lets go home” my lover spoke…placing his free arm around our son as together we made our way out of the airport and into the brilliance of our new life together as a family.

The End…


End file.
